Frustrated!!

I am so frustrated with Erin these days. She is terrific kid BUT I am having trouble motivating her to do anything more than hang out with friends. Her grades are OK but not as great as they could be and now that she is not on a soccer team she is not exercising and getting a bit lazy & making poor choices with food. What can I do?
With regards to school, we have tried everything. We have yelled, offered incentives for good grades and taken away privileges bad grades. Nothing seems to work. We let her know that she cannot get her drivers license unless she has a "B" average. At the end of the school year she didn't have any "D's" or "F's" (which is great) but she didn't have the B average. This summer she is taking Spanish III at College of the Canyons (to get ahead) and we told her that if she got an "A" in the class she could get her license. Well yesterday she told me that if she does well on her final she is certain to get a "B" in the class. She was not upset with this. In fact, she seemed just fine with it. I know I don't really have a lot to complain about BUT it is hard to see her not working up to her potential. She does NOT spend a lot of time studying. She had nothing else going on this summer and could have spent the extra time to insure the "A" but she didn't. I don't know what else to do. She certainly isn't in trouble as she is passing all her classes BUT she is not putting in much effort and really not trying as hard as she can. What can further can I do to motivate her? We do follow through on our "punishments" so she knows that we mean business. How do I get this to be more important to her?
And then there is the whole sitting around issue. I want her to take care of herself physically. Discussing it with her, or any teenage girl for that matter, is a delicate issue. You never want to make weight an issue. You always want to make health an issue. I want her to want to take care of herself now and make it a life long habit. Exercise is a daily part of my routine and she knows it. I want her to do the same. Next week we will go check out a local gym which she claims she will go but we all know how that often turns out. A friend of hers already belongs and they say they have a plan to go together every other day. We will give it a try--I certainly won't lock into any long term contract. Also, school starts in 2 weeks and she will have PE. She will continue to be on the soccer team. They have a new coach who, I believe, will work them much harder. I think it will be a tough couple weeks for Erin but she should get back into the swing of things in no time after all she is still so young!!!
I guess I should consider myself very lucky that these are the issues I am dealing with. I know it could be much, much worse. I love and adore my daughter and I only want the best of everything for her. I can't do it all for her and I just want her to have the motivation to do it for herself. I want her to be the best she can be and it frustrates me to see her being lazy. I am always the optimist and I will continue to be. At some point it is going to "click"--hopefully it will be sooner, rather than later.

Here is whats up...

Well as you can probably guess I am well on my way to crazy. Both my kids are giving me reasons to laugh and cry all at the same time.
Just this past weekend A.J. had his Eagle Scout Court of Honor and a party to celebrate his accomplishments and going away. I am so very proud of all that he has done and look forward to everything he has yet to do. It is not this that brings a tear to my eye. I start to well up with I see my wonderful family and friends taking part in the celebrations and I think how lucky I am to have them all. As I see, or think, about all the people in our lives I am reminded that each and everyone of them have done something to help Dave and I raise such excellent children. We have an amazing support system and really appreciate everything everyone has done for us, for A.J. and for Erin over the years. And I know that they will continue to be there for all of us in the years to come. I am not sure that we even realize how blessed we are!!
And with all this celebration comes some tough issues, too. It is tough for Erin to have to follow in the footsteps of A.J. All the attention and accolades are focused on him right now, and actually for the past couple years. I am certain there are times when she feels left out or like she doesn't measure up. Dave and I try hard to not let this happen but I am certain that it does anyway. We remind her often that she, too, is terrific and that we love her but I am sure that sometimes it just not enough. It breaks my heart to think that for even one minute she feels unloved or that she is a distant second to her brother. She is unique and great in her own right and I want her to know that ALWAYS!! Alas, she may regret what she wished for as in just a short time A.J. will be off to school and we will have just one kid to focus our attention on. Dave and I do look forward to that one on one time with Erin and hope she does too.

All grown up?

Its been a while since I have blogged. Not because I don't enjoy it but rather because not much new is going on. Erin is still playing soccer and very involved in USY. A.J. has finished track and just about done with high school. Soon there will be a whirlwind of activity and then he will gone.
This week A.J. asked our permission to take a 3 day trip to the beach with his friends, following graduation and sans adult supervision. There will be 9 of them altogether--4 girls and 5 boys--and they will have 2 hotel rooms(boys in one room, girls in the other) at a hotel on the beach in Pacific Beach (the girls picked it unbeknownst to them that A.J.'s uncle lives just blocks away). They are all good kids and I am not worried about them doing anything illegal BUT I am still worried and have my reservations about allowing him to go. They will be driving in 2 cars to San Diego. They will be staying in a "party" area of town. They will be on their own for 3 days and 2 nights.
Maybe its just me but I feel like A.J. and his friends are less mature, or maybe less sophisticated, than I was at that age. They live in a "small" town, in a pretty sheltered environment. The have all had driving restrictions on them until only recently and I don't think any of them have significant freeway driving experience. Do they even know how to get to San Diego? What if they get lost? Well I do hope the ones that are doing the driving are the ones with GPS in their cars. Once in Pacific Beach I am certain they will run into more rowdy college students then they have ever seen. I certainly hope they don't get into any confrontations. Uncle Bruce does live right near by but it turns out he will be out of town for most of the time A.J. will be in town.
After I told Dave my concerns he reminded me that it is A.J. and HIS friends that are going. These are all very intelligent, well behaved kids. They will probably do no more than eat, go to the beach and play poker. They have all proven themselves over and over again with their behavior throughout their high school years. They know how to handle themselves and in no time all of them will be off to college. Dave sees no reason why they shouldn't go.
We now have given our blessing. The only catch--they may NOT go to Tijuana.

Do NOT tell my kids...

I am not sure they know other kids misbehave in certain ways. And I certainly dont want them learning this late in the game. It has come to my attention that my kids have NEVER done the following.....

1. Say, "I HATE YOU" to each other or their parents.
Dave and I feared the day this would happen. He always hoped it was when he was at home because he knew I would fall apart. I am happy to say it has never come out of their mouths. They may have thought it but they didnt say it. This is the opposite of me. I said it to my folks, along with worse things, all while stomping up the stairs and slamming my door. I know when I was in college I heard a daughter say it to her mother at the mall and I started crying. I felt horrible that I had ever said those terrible things to my parents. I went home and apologized to my mom. I am not sure if I ever did to my Dad---sorry to both of you!!

2. Feigned illness to get out of school.
This is another thing I did on more than one occasion and probably at least 1 time in every grade in junior high and high school. I know the kids have asked to miss a day of school because they wanted to avoid a test (probably Erin not A.J.) but never just claimed a headache, cramps or a sore throat. In fact, AJ has NEVER missed a day of school due to illness in all 12 years of public school.

3. Hit or kicked or any physical fighting with each other.
AJ is really into rules. He was told as a very young boy that you do not hit, especially girls, so he hasn't and Erin learned by example. This, again, is something I did with my siblings. I would pull my sisters hair. In fact we would each grab on to each others locks and scream "let go, no you let go" all the while neither of us letting go. And with our big brother we would wack him in the back and run like heck. I really don't recall him ever hitting us back. He took lots of abuse from his sisters and handled it with grace!!

I know I am not OUT OF THE WOODS yet but I am nearly there. AJ will be leaving in just 3 months but Erin has much teenage angst ahead of her. If any of these items do crop up I do hope I can remember how lucky I have been.

What to blog?

Today is one of those days I want to blog but I really don't know what to blog about. We have had a bit of a crazy week at the house. AJ has FINALLY submitted everything for his Eagle Scout and he participated in his first track meet. If you ask me neither were that eventful. This Eagle Scout thing should have been completed months, if not years, ago. We have been nagging and nagging him for some time to get it done. He just dug his heals in and refused. It took all I had to not do it for him. I think he is relieved to finally have it done but, I am sure, he won't admit how silly he had acted. And with regards to the track meet, according to AJ, he didnt do all that well at the meet. In case you don't know, he does the shot put and discuss. This is his first time in track. At the end of the football season we told him to find another sport to do or get a job. He choose track. He is just learning but actually having fun. It was nice to be at the track meet with him and actually talking and laughing with him. That does not happen on football game days. On those days he is sullen and would prefer not to talk. He is getting in the zone.
We have had a bit of traumatic week with Erin but nothing she would want me to discuss publically. It is your basic teenage issues and in the scheme of things nothing that terrible. It has made it a stressful week for me. It is hard to know the right way to handle things. I try to remember what it was like when I was her age but I know I don't remember it as well as I would like. We do want to keep our children from going through difficult times, even if they bring it on themselves, but sometimes they just happen. I know at that age I thought my parents were DUMB. It took me many years to learn it was just the opposite. I guess that is what Erin is going through right now. I bet if you ask my parents they will just think it is sweet justice--you know "what goes around, comes around". It is my pay back for my traumatic teens.
Well now its the weekend and I hope it will be quiet and without incident. I will let you know!